the hole, the ring and the evil one
by mornie alantie
Summary: a hole...friends get sucked in...but no elf romance. takes place after the ring is destroyed...oh ya, and don't read it unless you are prepared to submit a good review
1. Default Chapter

Prologue  
  
  
  
Cicy gave Rose the look. THE look. The look that is feared and revered by all appeared on her face as no other could fondle, Rose shuddered. That look was every percent as freaky as Elrond's candy cane eyebrows. The look. Kelsey and Lauren were doing their science homework, of course Kelsey was a bit on the weird/ queered side, but Lauren was a nice girl, a nice girl in every sense possible, petit and plainly pretty, an excellent student and nice to everyone and anyone. Only Rose saw her dark side. Rose saw many things in her friends that she never mentioned.  
  
An earth away, (Middle-Earth to be exact), the Fellowship had finished their mission defeating Sauron, and everyone was calming down in to his or her own life after the intense party sessions celebrating the dark lord's demise. But one thing was left undone, the hole was not sealed. THE hole.  
  
'Hey look,' Kelsey said, pointing at a swirling black thing in the ground. 'It looks like a hole.' 'Whatever,' Cicy smirked evilly, 'Holes don't swirl.' Kelsey shoved Cicy, who lost her balance and tumbled into the thing, before she left she grabbed Rose's ankle, and dragged her down. Kelsey tried to grab them, but leaned out too far, Lauren figured if she didn't try to safe them she's be a bad friend, so she jumped in.  
  
Thus it begins.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter One Landing  
  
'Did we just fall through a black hole?' Rose demanded, trying to get out of the huge malorn tree when she finally came out of shock. 'Kez? Cicy? Lauren? Guys? GUYS?' Then were gone, and Rose stared with wide eyes down from the huge tree, which she perched alone in, it was a long, long way down.  
  
Lauren woke up on a comfortable bed in a hobbit hole, she thought the hobbits were quiet nice, and thought them rather adorable creatures with their shy smiles and small statures, about the same height as her. She had plenty to eat, seed cakes, mushroom chowders.every comfort food she could think of. What a nice bunch of Halflings, she thought; I must remember to get them something nice for Christmas and their birthdays.  
  
Kelsey noticed the Gondorian architectures, the flags, the guards. It all added up together, she had read about this plenty of times, but never thought it would happen to herself. She was in Middle-Earth, in Gondor. With a scream of desperation Kelsey crumpled to the ground and started to bawl her eyes out. 'So close to Mirkwood.' She sobbed, heart-broken, 'So close!' Her hysterics drowned out the sound of the hooves approaching.  
  
Cicy cursed, must do voodoo spell on friends and black hole, she thought, hex, curse them all.I'll teach them not to mess with me and my spells. There were stones around her, nothing but rocks and more rocks, the metallic sound of hammers reached her ears. Of course she knew what was going on, she was too evil to be ignorant. Must get out of Moria, she thought angrily, get Gandalf, must learn powerful magic. Dammit, most Istaris dead, only that old goodie-two-shoes left. Dammit, Cicy thought darkly, dammit.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter Two Lothlorien  
  
'Help, hey, anyone down there? Anyone?' Rose called down from the huge tree. Why, she thought, why me? Why, why, why, why. I'm not the one obsessed with elves. I'm not the one in dire need of lembas. I'm not the one who's dying to throw herself upon the prince. Arrrgh, Why me. Perhaps someone had heard her call; Rose sat absentmindedly in the thick branch of the tree. Stupid elves, she thought, aren't they suppose to have GOOD hearing? Tired of sitting, she finally decided to climb down the tree herself, possibly one of the worst decisions she would ever live to make. She has had some tree climbing practice, but that was nothing compared to the huge malorn she was trying to scale. Stupid trees, she thought, why do they grow so tall? Finally tired of climbing, she settled down on a lower branch and found a pad of paper and a pencil stub in the pocket of her coat. I'm a good artist, she thought, I'll just draw the tree to pass the time. She picked the base of a branch where the picture could be composed of all three parts of leafs, branch and trunk, so that the composition could be perfectly balanced with a detail foreground, centre and background to weigh the sides off and gives an impression. After, in the end she got a very good sketch that lived up to her reputation as an artist. An idea enter her head, she ripped the sheet off the pad and wrote HELP ME one the back, the she folded the sketch into a paper airplane and sent it flying. She was half asleep when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She was not at all surprised to see it was the elf guard. Of course it's not the prince, she thought sarcastically, coincidences like that only happens in stories. 'Where you from milady,' Haldir asked, 'and how did you manage to get trapped up a tree?' 'Don't you get it you frickin' elf?' Rose snapped, 'I'm not a long ear, I can't climb trees!' 'Then how did you.' Rose imitated Cicy's look, although it didn't have the dramatic effect Cicy's specialty did, Haldir still managed to get the message to shut up. 'So tell me Haldir,' Rose said after she got down from the tree, 'What do you know about a black hole that twirls? That's the thing that brought me here in the first place.' 'A hole you say?' Haldir pondered and thought for a while. Meanwhile Rose's mind was wandering. He's not bad looking, she thought, wonder if Kelsey or Cicy would settle for him, there's only one Legolas, and knowing those two, they would start World War III to get the elf for herself. Well, one of them would have to settle for Haldir. 'I know not of the pit you speak, I will bring you to the Lady of the Golden Woods, maybe she would know.' Haldir finally replied. 'Ok, sure, I'll go for that.' Rose answered. Where the hell were her friends when she needed them? Sheesh, she thought. Chapter Three Hobbiton  
  
'More tea Ms. Lauren?' Pippin asked, he was quiet taken with his strange guest, she was a nice sort, and he wondered if he would have a crush on her like Sam on Rosie. 'Thank you Pippin.' Lauren answered sweetly. He was such a sweet natured and humorous sort, and much more pleasant (so she thought) than the people at her school. Merry, Sam and Frodo went into the little hobbit hole, and they too sat around the table and started chatting, drinking and eating endlessly. Such a warm and comfy little place, thought Lauren, I would like to stay for a while, especially in company of such nice little people. 'Who's that Pip?' Merry nudged Pippin and nodded to Lauren. 'She said she got transported through some sort of hole.' Pippin answered with his mouth full of seed cake. Sam thought for a while and looked confused. 'A hole? Like a hobbit hole?' 'Was there food?' Merry asked curiously. 'No.' Lauren answered politely. 'There was nothing really.' The hobbits gasped and turned white in terror, never had they dared to imagine a hole without cupboards and cupboards of food. 'That IS disturbing!' Sam stammered, nearly hyperventilating. 'Root beer all around!' Frodo declared and all the hobbits gulped their mugs of root beer and shivered about the horrifying thought of an empty hole. 'She is a hobbit then?' Merry finally asked (with mouth full of mushroom pudding). 'No,' Lauren answered, 'At least I don't think.' She added uncertainly.  
  
'Well you should consider becoming one.' Pippin told her kindly. 'Here, have more cake.' Lauren said thank you (as usual) and took tiny nibs off of the chunk of cake that was passed to her. Hobbits are good cooks, she thought, I should like to have one around. There are such humorous darlings. 'Root beer?' Pippin inquired and held out a large mug to her. 'No thank you.' Lauren answered. 'Thank you so much for letting me stay.' 'Oh, your welcome.' Pippin grinned. Merry whispered something and Frodo cracked up, Pippin turned and punched Merry under the table, and the hobbits burst into a fit of laughing and poking. Lauren smiled in amusement. Lauren enjoyed her comfortable and entertaining stay, but not everyone was having such a good time.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter Four Minas Tirith  
  
'I HATE YOU!' Kelsey screamed in hysterics to nobody in particular, she was so upset about not landing in Mirkwood that she could not think clearly, and was determined to scream at someone (or no one at all) for the moment. But luckily, after a while her temper cooled. She noticed the guy, clad in armor, standing behind her staring with disbelieve. 'May I ask what your business is, milady?' The guy asked. 'Err.' Said Kelsey. 'Beg pardon?' 'Um.' 'Please, you are on the grounds of King Ellesar, report your business here, if you please.' 'I, uh, fell through, err, a hole, and.like, ended up here, ya.' 'A hole?' 'Ya.you know, a dent in the ground, round, black.' 'Most.interesting?' 'Wah? It's true.' . 'Are you a dwarf?' 'A DWARF???????' Kelsey screamed, back in hysterics, 'DO I LOOK LIKE A DWARF???' 'Well.' The freaked out Gondorian began. 'NO!' Kelsey ended with a screech. 'NOT AT ALL!!!!!' The person paused for a while, then inspected her suspiciously. 'I think the king would like to meet you.' 'Me? Awww.' 'If by chance you are lost, we could arrange a horse for you.' At that Kelsey brightened up. 'Horse? To like, go places? Places like.Mirkwood?' 'Is that where you are from?' 'Well, it's where I'm going.' 'Very well, the king would likely give you a horse to take you.' Kelsey grinned from ear to ear and followed the man toward the fortified city. 'Mirkwood.elf.Leggy.' 'Mirkwood.elf.waffle.' 'Mirkwood.elf.mmmmm.' The man had no idea what she was muttering about, but she seemed happy enough. Kelsey giggled privately. 'Lego, here I come!'  
  
  
  
Chapter Five Moria  
  
'Damn dwarfs.' Cicy shot a sideway glance and her look shone through the evil red pointed glasses like solar cannons, the dwarf coming up the side screamed like a little girl and fainted onto the ground. Cicy snarled in disgust and kept her pace as she thundered through Moria, causing destruction with every step, getting more and more evil with every second that she was kept in the mines against her will. 'DWARF POWER!!!!!!' The shout came behind her as a hairy dwarf leapt from a boulder toward her with a huge axe in his (or her, who could tell?) hands. Cicy scrunched her brows up and nailed the dwarf with a powerful stare. The dwarf let out a diabolical screech and crumpled to the ground. A grotesque cackle rose from inside Cicy and the evil sound circle the interior of the caves and the Moria orcs fled in fear, they knew the ultimate evil has finally arrived. 'If I don't get out, I shall personally become the unchallenged empress of the glittering caves, then get my army to capture Mirkwood and.' Cicy had a dreamy look in her eyes as she signed airily and started to drool at the image in her head. 'I shall take him captive, and make him MINE!' She drooled more as she pictured the elf's handsome features. 'Mine.my love.my own.my..preciousssssssssss.' Cicy kept the dreamy look in her eyes as she hunched over to stroke the tiny picture of him she kept in her jeans pocket. 'Mine.my love.my own.my love.my preciousssss.precioussssss.' Cicy drooled as she caressed the picture lovingly. 'Precioussssss.' Gimli sneaked slowly behind the evil creature, who did not hear him. She was like medusa, and once her eyes spark that evil look into his eyes, he knew he would be paralyzed and horrified like the rest of them. He closed in on her, and raised his axe above his head in a chopping position. Cicy was too absorbed in her fantasies of Legolas, she did not notice Gimli sneaking up behind her until she saw his reflection on the laminating of her Legolas picture. She turned around and shot the look daftly at the dwarf. Luck was on Gimli's side too, Cicy saw her own evil glare in the smooth blade of his axe, and although it didn't have much effect on her, she was paralyzed long enough for the dwarfs to tie her up and blindfold her. 'Take this thing off of me!' Cicy screeched. 'She is but a human.' A gruff voice said. 'Impossible! Clearly she is Istari, humans do not come with such terrifying powers.' Said another voice, gruffer. 'But.how did she get in the mines?' 'That is obvious,' A new voice that Cicy recognized as Gimli said, 'She is obviously a spy of Sauruman.' 'Sauruman's dead, you dork.' A voice said before clashing of axes was heard. A dwarf chant was heard : "Fight! Fight! Fight!"  
  
Chapter Six Mirrors and Bows  
  
'Oh my god.' Rose groaned. Galadriel had told her to look in her mirror. Geez, Rose thought, this old witch should learn some new tricks, she's getting predictable. Rose looked into the plate of water, and caught the beginning of the newest Lord of the Rings movie. She stood in front of the mirror for three hours and watched the movie; finally Galadriel got impatient and turned the mirror off. 'Well, what did you see?' She said anxiously. 'Legolas do really cool stunt sliding off stairs on shield.and Eowyn flirting with Aragorn.and.' 'No!' Galadriel exclaimed, 'NONONONONO!!!! This is all so screwed up! They were suppose to connect the cable to my laptop! Not my MIRROR!' While Galadriel was freaking out, Rose sneaked out and took one of the pretty bows with elvish written all over it. She didn't know how to use a bow but thought it would be nice to bring one back to her world as a souvenir.  
  
An hour later:  
  
'AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'?Haldir screamed, 'MY BOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S GGGGOOOOONNNNEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'  
  
Rose was drawing a sketch of the bow, and all the elvish on it. What a nice bow, she thought, perfectly polished wood, nice pressure on the wood, delicate carvings.would look great as a sketch with some shading on the body. Elvish could stand out if I shade everything else, she thought, but I could also shade in the writing so the background could be shaded to balance it off, then it would give the bow itself a luminescent impression.decisions, decisions, she thought, oy, what to do? 'Greetings.' Said Haldir, appearing out of the bushes, Rose shoved the bow quickly under a pile of leaves. 'Message from Rivendell,' Haldir said, 'Elrond is calling another meeting, to decide what to do with the strangers found in the land and.something else.' Strangers, thought Rose, that would be us. 'And that would include dinner.' 'Dinner?' Rose gasped, 'As in, FOOD?' 'Um, I would assume so.' Haldir answered. 'FOOD!!!!!!!! LET'S GO!!!!!!!' Rose was bumping along in her horse, on the way to Rivendell, pretty happy actually. Good thing I still have enough pencil, she thought, would need plenty to sketch some of that elvish architecture.would look so much better if painted, she decided, now should I put the light colors in the foreground or the background?...  
  
  
  
Chapter Seven Mushrooms Rule  
  
'Elrond? You mean Elvie? In Riverdale?' Merry asked. 'Yes, him, in RIVENDELL.' Sam corrected. 'Wot he want us for?' Pippin asked, taking a bite of a mushroom. 'Something 'bout a meeting.' Frodo said. 'Will there be food?' Merry asked, Frodo looked down on the invitation. 'MUSHROOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' 'Come with us Lauren, there'd be lots of things to eat there.' Sam told her. 'Ok.' Lauren said sweetly.  
  
Sam harnessed a wagon to his pony Bill and all the hobbits (and Lauren) filed into the wagon, but not before gathering all the necessary supplies, including Sam's cooking utensils, Merry's mushroom shovel, Pippin's plot map of Farmer Maggot's farm and Frodo's sword (they all agreed that it was the most useless thing, but Frodo liked to bring it along because it was pretty). 'So,' Lauren said, 'What are we going to be doing in Rivendell?' 'Plenty, I hope.' Merry laughed as he nudged Pippin. Lauren chose to ignore that remark, meaning not thinking about it any further. 'Run Bill! Run like the wind!' Sam stood up and shout heroically as he snapped the reins, Bill broke into a slow funeral like march, Sam collapsed because he was standing and Bill was going too fast for him to stay standing. 'When we get back, I'll show you all the good spots in Farmer Maggot's farm where the biggest mushrooms are.' Pippin offered, Lauren smiled, how civil. 'Sure, and thank you, I love mushrooms, they are so plump and cute.' Lauren replied. 'What's so adorable and sweet about Pip?' Merry whispered to Frodo, 'How come he always gets the cute ones?' 'What, you jealous?' Frodo asked, mocking him. 'A bit.' Merry admitted, Frodo nodded. 'Me too.' 'I have Rosie,' Sam bragged, 'so I'm just like Pippin in a way.'  
  
While Merry and Frodo were still talking about the "what does he have that we don't" topic while Pippin was balancing Frodo's sword on his nose (by the hilt of course, he's not that stupid.yet) to impress Lauren. (awww, isn't that nice?) In a while all the hobbits started singing 'Ride, ride, ride your cart' to Merry's drumming (spoon on an overturned pot, he was trying to act like the Nazgul rock group, but everyone was too good natured to start pissing off on him). "Ride, ride, ride your cart, all the way down the field.'  
  
Chapter Eight Flaxen Mane  
  
'But.but.' Kelsey stuttered before bursting into tears again, 'I want to go to Mirkwood! WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' 'I'm sorry lady,' Aragorn explained while covering his ears in despair. 'But we are needed at the conference in Rivendell.' 'I dun't care about that F#$%ING Rivendell!' Kelsey screamed hysterically, 'I WANT LEGOLAS AND I WANT HIM NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' 'Prince Legolas? But he too, will be in Rivendell.' Faramir confirmed. 'Oh really?' Kelsey said, suddenly in her normal voice (freaking out the court, which didn't know she had a normal voice). 'Ok, what we waiting for? Let's get a move on people!'  
  
'Ooooh! Oooooh! Oooooh! Lemme pick! Lemme pick!' Kelsey jumped up and down when Faramir lead her to the stables in Gondor. 'Alright, alright, just pick a horse that suits you!' Faramir exclaimed, hardly able to hear properly anymore after sticking around near Kelsey for a while. What an excitable thing, he thought, and thought Eowyn was a tough one to handle (but still, he thought, she's much more of a catch). Kelsey browsed the stables, looking at all the pretty ponies of all the different pretty colors. 'I want that one!' Kelsey suddenly squealed when her eyes lit up on one particular horse. Faramir examined her choice, it was a cream colored gelding with a flaxen mane. 'Why him, milady?' 'Duh!' Kelsey exclaimed while giving herself a whack on the side of the head, 'Look at all that flowing, beautiful, elfin, smooth, blonde, shining.' 'What?' 'Hair you thud, his blonde hair! He has Legolas hair!' I shall never understand the heart of lunatics, Faramir thought sadly (he was depressed because he had hoped that one day he might, it was his life long dream to understand the heart of Boromir and his wife). 'I'm going to name him.'Kelsey said dreamily, 'Leggy.' 'He already has a name.'Faramir began. 'SHUT UP!'  
  
Leggy, Faramir thought, Leggy. What's so great about that damn elf? He thought, rather ticked off, why is no one beholding my unwashed manliness? What's so great about that prissy elf? Faramir told himself, so he's super handsome, and he's clean and he's royalty, so he's got nice hair and he can really shoot those arrows, so what if he was really hot and kind and romantic and perfect in every respect, doesn't mean he's better than me. Of course he can't be better than me, thought Faramir. Elf..mmmmmm........thought Kelsey. 


	2. continued

Chapter Nine Short n' Bushy Things  
  
'Gah.' Cicy spat with distaste. Stupid, short, fat, bushy, fat, short, bushy.fat dwarves! They were caring her on a stretcher. Hurry up and get me to my eternal love, she scowled silently. Stupid short-legged things.not pretty and perfect and leggy and.hot in every way like her beloved elf. 'Want to take a break?' One of the dwarves asked another one, caring the stretcher (and happens to be Gimli, ha, what are the chances of that now.). 'Hah! I'm strong and solid like a rock! This little lass is light as a feather to me!' Gimli boasted, Cicy kicked his head, Gimli fell on his face and fainted. The stretched collapsed in the front, Cicy slid off and started to run despite her blindfold and tied limbs. She was caught soon but managed to give Gimli another good kick in the nose. Soon, she was bored and started to talk to the dwarf. '.so you see, we have to hurry because I want to beat Kelsey to Legolas.' Cicy explained earnestly (correction, pretending to be earnest, because she is not capable of really doing so).  
  
'Bah,' Gimli growled to himself. 'What's so good about that elf? He's tall and skinny and doesn't have any beard at all.why don't girls like me? I'm cute and cuddly, besides, I'm just like a teddy bear, girls love teddy bears.' Cicy heard him. She had a teddy bear once, it was named Teacher and she used it for voodoo spells. She decided to kick Gimli in the head again, just because she was bored.  
  
*everyone fusses.*  
  
'The sooner we bring her to the council of Elrond the better!' Gimli declared heroically, 'She is a danger not only to me but every decent dwarf there is in Moria. Think my friends, we grew up in one stone hall, shared one home, one heart, our blood is like the mithril we mine. Unite brothers (and sisters) and none shall overthrow the dwarves of Moria! We could have gone our separate ways, but over the years we have always been one! One family, one army fighting for each other and our native mother Moria.' It would have gone a lot longer if Cicy hadn't kicked him again. It was the fourth time Gimli fainted in that day. Though no one complained much on the last time. 'If there's a gift for prep talk,' Cicy thought, 'That shortie/hairy has not got it.' Happily and expectantly the dwarves proceeded to Rivendell, Cicy happily gazing into the sky from her stretcher, and Gimli having to be carried on one too, because he suffered a concoction in the head (possibly a fractured skull, who knows?)  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter Ten Arrivals  
  
Rose climbed up the stairs of Rivendell and saw Arwen, Elrond and Legolas waiting up in a balcony. Arwen's eyes were searching, while Elrond looked in distress at his daughter. An elf that Rose guessed to be Legolas' dad appeared and waved, Haldir saluted, and Rose examined Legolas with a critical eye. Hmm, she thought, not bad.looks alright.looks like one with good character. Then something else caught her eye. Elven architectures, all over the place, Rose starred in shock, almost like the way very obsessed fangirls might stare at Legolas. She got off her horse and quickly sat down under the nearest piece of architecture, pulled out the note book and got to work. Unfortunately that nearest piece of architecture happened to be the main stair, she sat on the steps, blocking everybody's way. 'Milady,' Legolas said in a way that would have made Kelsey fall on her face, 'Would you care to perhaps find a better location?' 'Go away, I'm busy!' Rose snapped (she hated to be disturbed when she was drawing). 'Well.you are blocking the path a bit.' Haldir added, helping Legolas. 'Oh shut up.' Rose returned and did not say another word. (Hey, not EVERYBODY is obsessed! Here is one of the cases, don't look so shocked). Galadriel and Celeborn walked up to her. Rose looked at Celeborn for a second, she remembered something, and grinned. 'Teleporno.' She said smugly. Celeborn turned red to the tip of his ears.  
  
'HHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!'  
  
'What is it my lord?' Haldir kneeled down and started to sweat. 'Why did you teach her this?' Celeborn demanded, starting to act more like a lunatic than a supposently elegant elf lord. 'No lord, I did not.' 'You are the only that calls me that! If not you? Is it you?' Celeborn and turned to Galadriel, and looked like he was about to choke her. Galadriel took out a crystal phial containing light and pressed a button on the bottom, the light was actually electricity, and Celeborn was paralyzed as a ZAP was heard, then he collapsed to the ground. 'This is not going to be one of those nice councils we use to have.' Haldir whispered to Legolas. 'I heard that there were more of them.' Legolas whispered mysteriously. Haldir shuddered. Legolas didn't know.the troubles of being obsessed with. Yet. 


End file.
